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Missing

hey hey..
been more than a month since I updated this blog
apart from the new skin
if u guys have been checking lately
previous skin was spoilt..
so replace a new one..
will replace the picture when I found a nicer one!

too many things happened
first is I bought a 1GB RAM for GE..
then went for blood donation with dearie..
but found out from my mummy that I cant donate blood..
cause of weak liver..
hope no one is using it
since I donated 2 packets (one at IRAS, another at Tampines CC)..
I was so worn out at work
I finally became sick a day bfore my TCO period ends
so I went to apply for contract staff..

during the period when I was waiting for reply..
been mopping and cleanin the floor..
I also went to Sentosa for sun bathing!
budden swear not to go anymore
because the after-effect is not nice at all..
this Sentosa trip made me damned embarassed lo
one of my friend who agreed to go like 2 weeks in advance
decided to put aeroplane on us..
i guess she has no idea that the car coupon to sentosa cost 20bucks?
n u know how many times I have to give that pai-seh smile just because she put aeroplane at 6am in the morning?
n we arranged to go sentosa in the morning!

dunno lah
since then I nv talked to her..
n i dunno what to say to her if she calls..
either way we know she doesnt wanna come la
cos we decided to give her another chance by asking her to come vivocity at abt 3pm..
so when she comes here we're ready to leave (perhaps abt 5 or 6pm?) for dinner
n her direct answer was "dont want lah..so late le."
lidat i also cannot help her liaoz..
at that pt I think they saw my paiseh-ness..
I also dunno say what to her liaoz..
but to make it up to ourselves for that day
we decided to go Suntec for chinese dinner buffet
anyway
the dinner was great!
planning to go there for man yue jiu when my baby brother is born..
maybe it's her loss for not coming?
n we watched Transformers!
I would say not as good as 300..
but it deserves a 4/5 popcorn!
I think I gave 300 a 4.5/5 popcorn right?
if not I think I amend it here now..

oh ya..
din tell u its a boy right?!
muahahahaha
he's gonna be a very pampered mister..
everyone's buying him stuff already!
that also means I cant celebrate my 2nd anniversary with dearie le..
=x
cos it'll be his b'dae?
hope he come out early..
be a libran!
same b'dae as my cousin zz?
not a bad idea huh!
haha

oh ya..
if u din notice my wantings..
I've already bought W880i
everything's cool
except that memory card...
changed a new handset with the same memory card poses this problem too
it cant read the memory card!
especially after i use charger or ear piece to connect with my phone,
it'll turn out lidat..
then the starhub guy say SE phones are lidat now
??!!
can Sony Ericsson do something about it?
it's annoying..irritating!
especially my whole phone depends on that mem card!
cant play games..cant listen to songs..

at sale I went to metro closing down sale with my mum, sis n future bro-in-law (?)..
bought a pair of bras when i was shopping alone after attended meeting at IRAS..
then my mum say we shall go shopping at metro!
anyway
i really tried to refrain myself from buying
cos I spent a lot on that phone n its a loan from my mummy
bought a pair of boxers for dearie
2 pillows (my pillows are unusable..it's certified)
n a 75bucks worth of Sintex bedsheet set?! (UP 150bucks)
i din want to buy cos it so damned expensive
but my mum say she buy for me if i dun buy..
but she already loan me money to buy the hp..
now bedsheet?!
i almost had an heart attack
n decided to pay for my own bedsheet..unwillingly..
can see my glum face? n i'm sitting on it now.. ~_~
btw
sales lasts till mid aug..

my pay they (IRAS) offered me is $1.632k
but i wanted $1.7k because all new 3-yr contract staff are having that..
then I tot..
a humble beginning is a great stepping stone to success..
but I'm really not happy abt it!
they say its the govt raise..
they can afford to raise so many other new staff pay..
add 1 wun die right?
=.="
somehow or rather..
I think I almost wanted to burst into tears..
n ask myself..
is that what I'm worth?
even one extra 68bucks/month for my self-worth will die?
like always kena rejected by ppl these days..
my confidence has hit rock-bottom

I've turned really pessimistic these days
dearie has been taking care of his work so that he can still be able to stay in aerospace
(he got selected to take aerospace for elective)
mum's bz with my unborn brother..
sis? I dont talk such things to her lah..
when she ask then we talk abt it one..
that good friend who put aeroplane..like i've said earlier..dunno what to say..
n my other friends....it's like everyone has their own problems..
n obviously I wun want to trouble them with mine..
thats just me..
I'll only talk to my dearie about it..
well, the time really comes when he really have no time for u..

n my dad,
can someone please please tell him not to talk to me anymore?
I dont hate him anymore
I just want him to leave me alone
everytime he talk to me
my heart covered with flames
my eyes on fire..
please dont ask me why i'm so angry
i dunno why
just leave me alone
and save that agonizing ending
do ourselves and any other ppl a favour..
it's good if terrifying situation dont come into the picture
it's torturing to have such angry mind with me..
unless he enjoys it..

I guess I have no way to go now..
I guess I'll use 1 year to return my tution fee debt to my auntie and uncle
cos they helped me clear the debt
so that the interest wun keep increase like nobody's biz..
I am sooo grateful..
really..
after a yr's of debt clearing (which I aim to get performance bonus and whatever bonus they have for me),
I'll start enrolling into SIM..
then start studying for my bachelor..
n by then
I only need half a year to get my gratuity reward for fulfilling the whole 3 yrs contract..
i'll then use the gratuity to return to my grandma for helping me pay SIM fees..

guess I have no choice but to say yes to IRAS..
they dont know my current situation..
thats y..
cant sound desperate in interview right?
haha
maybe thats what molds the soul..

Joelle`*