Music ! ♥

My own battle and an unborn baby

This week is one hard week
so many things has happened
and everything has changed.

Good news and bad news
lets start with the good one
cos I nid it to tell the bad ones..
haha

anyway
good news is that I'm going to have a new sibling
not sure about the gender
but the existence is a great one
my mummy's still young
n I trust that she still can give birth
abortion will harm her body more since she's on medication

here comes the bad news
I quarreled with my father
or should I say the no. 1 person in my hate list?
I dont hate ppl..
even though there're less than 5 ppl in there
he still top the list
the grudge of 10 yrs that I hold on to
finally breaks free
n hit him hard
I'm old enough to bit him back n break free?
I'd prefer to say that I'm old enough to defend for myself and my loved ones..

it all started with him doubting the existence of my unborn sibling
everyone is angry about it
my mummy feels most upset about it
but I feel outraged by his irresponsibility for his words
n he even insulted my mummy after I blow my top on him

that was when I decided to move out from this devil

no matter how hard,
I'm gonna crush him down
make him live his life and die in loneliness (he deserves it)
and bring my mummy and sister out of that devil's den
I've been thinking about that for the past 10yrs
yeah
when I was only in sec sch
its like waiting for the right moment to crush him down
I grow angry to protect myself
so that one day such things happens
I'm not going to hide
I'm going to fight back, real hard

"but he's still your biological father", most of you might say
from the moment I can remember and think,
till the time I know how to differentiate right and wrong
(meaning from age 4-15)
the accumulated time he spent with my family (throughout the 9yrs) is barely a year
treat him like a father?
I cant
n u have no idea how much I hate to have part of his blood in me?
luckily my blood type is the same with my mummy n not him
otherwise, I'll be feeling devastated now..
he's not fit to be my father in the first place

I would say this family war is a breakthrough for me
I'm going to leave him no matter anyone has any objection to it
cos its my life
I control it, not anyone who can comment this situation
I live for my own, n for my loved ones
my loved ones can choose to join me or support me
oppose me is just something I'll ignore
I wun hold grudge in anyone who oppose against me
everyone has their own opinion
live a year with him
n u'll grow to dislike him too
much less 10yrs

what I'm feeling sad about is my grandparents
they will see these and try to persuade me to change my mind
I hate to do that
but I'll still tell them I've made up my choice

still
I'm quite thrilled to have a sibling
a really naughty one actually
always disturb my mummy
today helped my mummy shift the bed in my room
so that she can enjoy the aircon full-blast
that baby will be a polar bear when he's born (cannot survive w/o aircon)
I feel like my family is united as one (except with my father)
n I really like that feeling
the true bond within us
that father of mine will never understand
he only know how to crush it
I'm anticipating our future
it'll be a great one w/o him
dont you think?

Joelle`*