Music ! ♥

I tried not to cry~

alright
yesterday I went to Holland Village
1st time there
with Keith
we had this mexican food
first time tasting mexican food
alright
then he ordered this frozen magarita
I've always thought magaritas are like yucks!
cos I did try it during work
those alcoholic smoothies
n the frozen magarita is somethng lidat
I forgot wad I've had
I only remember I had this peach magarita

after dinner
we headed to coffee bean
we actually talked abt lots of things
den he showed me the full circle
his friend is kinda the lead for that episode
i was going to c him at wala wala
so I watched the whole epi
n he showed me some other webbie
n then we headed to Wala Wala

initially it was kinda bad
cos the first band isnt that gd
so I kinda just stood there
n looking ard
basically throughout the whole thing
I'm like looking at Keith's friend, talking
so I dun quite understand or hear wad they really say
when I'm like stuck
I look ard
as time goes by
I started smsin to lots of ppl
mainly Alan
yes, I couldnt get over Felix n wad he's up to
I was so damned screwed n stuff
Alan n Keith ask me to wait till the weekend n c wad happens

yes, impulsive I am
I sms him bad things
I scolded the word Fuck inside the sms
I told him I'm disappointed in him
I told him if he has got problems with me, just lemmi know
I said something like so much for being a better bf
(which he promised me n only did a little better than Alen)
just as I've tot
he wun reply
so maybe I was thinking of venting the anger onto his sim card
but maybe it went a little overboard

so The Unexpected performed
hell they're gd
I was like always noticing the drummer
actually
after a night's slp
I forgot everyone's name
nvm
I'll ask Keith again ya?
hahaha
but they're so gd..
I actually wanted to like record their songs
one song in particular I really like
'Window', it was created by them
so its pretty original
n I like it
I've also tried this new beer called...omg.. garden?
yeah
I forgot abt it again
screw myself man
so far I've been a virgin for most of the things
like mexican food
light beer
frozen magarita
wala wala

ok
Keith sent most of the girls home, including me
so after sending all of them home
I'm the last one to reach
cos its Tampines!
ok
then we ended up talking in the car for abt an hr I guess
we talked abt films..
his body language is telling me something bad
actually I wanted to leave fast
cos somethings up lah
so when I'm like going up
(I dunno how we ended it)
we hugged each other
n did he like kiss me on my cheek?
I'm not sure
anyway
I got off
n started to walk to my staircase
but when everything's back to normal
the Felix syndrome is back again
I got home
talked to Sharon
she asked me to go for shao yang
yeah
she did

wait!
lemmi think properly or something!
but in the end
I sms Felix
n tell him we're through bah
a super short one
2wks of relationship
maybe like Keith said
guys ard my age look for lover
but not a best friend in a lover
me?
I want a best friend cum lover
someone to share everything with
n he shares everything with me too
no boundaries
just connected as soul mates
but I know
if I were to be with Keith or Shao Yang
all of them will be a short one
there's somethng lacking in them
which I'm still trying hard to find
not sure wad that thing is

anyway
I did have a long talk with Keith after hanging up my phone with Sharon
yeah..
nothing much
he just keep asking me to tell him if his feelings for me is abt the same from me for him
I mean
its kinda mutual n its kinda not mutual
like i've said
I'm pretty screwed up when it comes to emotions now
shields are all up
n me?
there's just a big barrier between me n guys
I've gotta just push every guy aside n really reflect
I'm so sure its not my fault u know
maybe part of it
but I really dunno wad is wrong with me
or with the guys I've come across

maybe overall,
the best relationship I've ever had is still with Edwin bah
but I know we wun be back at all
because I dun want to
not at all
I dun wanna hurt him again n again n again
yeah
karma
wad goes ard comes ard
but I still have one lover
which is me
I love myself more each day
especially after every downfall

anyway
I did receive a reply from Felix when I woke up
he started accussing me of not being understanding
since he went to Malaysia
n the best part is
I nv knew he was in Malaysia
he said that I'm being too confrontational
n that I shld've find out the situation before shooting everything out
I was like boiling my blood
n I tried to calm myself down
b4 I shoot anything back
so I msg him back
saying I know nothing abt him in Malaysia
telling him how troubled I am for not spending enough time with him
n thanking him for making me the last person to know that he's in malaysia
for wadeva it is
screw him
we're through

later I'm meeting Keith
n I've gotta make sure I have a curfew
if not I'll be dead tml
cos I'm working alone tml
sadded
nvm
so long nv work le
just wanna make myself happy after a long one wk break
it has been fruitful

I gotta make sure my jie mei Alan knows abt it
Sharon knows abt it le
n joy
always so bz
wadeva!
I wanna make sure I fortune tell myself again
alright
gotta go have my so-called dinner
love ya
muackx

Joelle`*