Music ! ♥

Chinese b'dae

alright
I share the same b'dae with my dad
shld've gotten a b'dae chalet that lasts from my english b'dae to chinese b'dae
man it'll be sooo cool!
but wadeva
it's damned over now
in case u were wondering
the chinese calender is 15 of the ninth month
haha....
so sept 15 for chinese calender
mum made this mian xian for me
n it tasted really gd
I only get to eat it like 5times a yr
so the rest of 360 days I din get to eat it
n it always tastes so gd

Alan smsed me abt going out
but I kinda did not reply him
it was so last min
sorry dude
in case u were reading it
I was supposed to go out with Keith
but it was called off
cos we had this kinda conversation abt me telling him that we cant work out
blah blah blah
haix
its pretty bad
I smsed him n msned him
he did not reply..
I guess that special friend is called off?
most probably

anyway
figuring out that I must go out on my b'dae
I dressed myself as somewhat a beach girl
walking ard Tampines Central
it must have been bad for me
cos flashbacks of my past relationship is always appearing in front of me
from Edwin
to Thomas
then Alen
lastly Felix..
haix
it has been really bad
but either way
I'm really trying my very best to pick myself up
w/o help that is
I dun c the nid for help
unless I'm heading for depression

anyway
I was heading for a serious retail therapy
spent 71bucks on Loreal alone
n thats the only thing I bought today
then
just when I tot I was totally broke
mum reminded me that I have this cheque for my b'dae present
n I've not been banking it in
I hope everything's done by tml..
cos I have this make over session on Thurs
n it kinda costs a bomb

I guess yesterday I forgot to mention that I smsed Felix saying thank you to him n stuff
yeah
n after that Alen msn me online
I was shocked too
yesterday was really weird
he msn me
saying hey n nudge me
ya
was his usual thing
so i hey him back n stuff
n ask him whether something's up
cos he dun normally msn me
not even when we were together
so he said nothing
then i just say alright
enjoy urself kinda stuff
I've been nasty to bad exes I guess
cos I'm pretty much a person who'll get attention from other guys if I dun get it from my guy
n it always ends badly
come to think of it
I really shld stop going out with guys
i mean dating them
it kinda suck
I admit I do like Keith that kinda character
those man thing
but
maybe cos our chem is pretty gd
I din wanna ruin it if something else happens in our relationship
n either way
wadeva n how I balance myself to get the truth out of myself
the ans is still no to him

As for Bern
I'm still having this i-play-u-u-play-me attitude
I mean
we got kinky n stuff
i can tell we're pretty much attracted to each other at one pt of time
but then again
no link to relationship

or maybe its just me
I cant imagine me being with another guy emotionally anymore
maybe that fever really burnt my brain
but I just couldnt imagine myself being in love with another man
unless he's too crazy abt me till I'm crazy abt him
which is very very very hard
n the attraction ratio for me n him has to be 1(me):3(him)
which means he must be really crazy abt me
which is rare
cos men doesnt really have patience
somehow or rather
I did think of lesbianism
falling in love with women aint that bad?
coming from a convent
it's nothing
I guess I'm more of a attention seeker than a love seeker

I just suck at love
I know there's nothing wrong with me
but something's wrong with the men I chose to be with
they always gimme scary amt of attention
then leave me alone hanging on a thread when we were together
all 4
all of them
it sucks
it really is

wadeva
I'm like digging my hurt right now
which is not advisable
I'd better stop
if not I'll end up crying whole night
I'm a strong girl!
*slap myself twice*
I can get better

alright
gtg
Wed I shall go Library@Esplanade
I've been wanting to go!
alright
clean my rm n slp
take care ppl
bye

Joelle`*