Music ! ♥

hello?

oh man
i'm feelig bored..
working with Brian..
tml gonna work alone
nvm
just now Alex say I've slimmed down..
so happy!
hahax
then they say my Fuzion shirt is too big le..
hmmm
when is my beloved Julia gonna return me my uniform?
o.0

anyway, yesterday my cousins, koon n me bought a pen for grandpa.
he was happy
that pen is a gold one..
can be used for keeping sake..
cos there's this box for it
n a keychain to go with it

told Felix abt my decision
I'm really proud I made this decision
it did not affect our friendship
n it did not affect my relationship with Alen
I'm still hoping that Alen will just sms me..
n tell me he misses me
wishful thinking?
maybe..
I would guess wad he's doing now
but sometimes, I find that it's of no pt
if meant to be
we'll be

this sat
Desmond's b'dae.
wonder where they'll go
decided to go on with chalet even if it's not available
we'll get the biggest Costa Sand's chalet
with 3bedrooms..
one kitchen
n living room
I'm sick of organising le..
I just nid to rest

this fri I'm meeting George
n we chiong Guild War at ECP's Mac overnight..
not confirmed yet..
but I know i'll be hooked to it
even if my eyes are tired..
I'm so looking forward to it..
cos it's gonna be turns taking to play it..
using his account
I'm so crazy abt it, he says..
yeah..I'm crazy abt it..
graphics is nice!

Sun I'm going to ECP again..
maybe just learn how to blade on my own..
i may not have a bike, but i have blades..
I wanna learn something this holiday

went o meet mum
returned vcds
n went grocery shopping
i went to search for my shampoo
in the end mum helped me to find..
cos i couldnt c it!
Felix sms
telling me how the rejection sinked in n stuff
so I told him he was doing great yesterday
n he made funny replies after that

went home after that
mum was talking abt Alen
she said something like
y be in a relationship whereby this relationship is not like a relationship at all?
I kept quiet
i told myself..
maybe things are diff after exams
if it doesnt..
there's nothing much I can do
but to withdraw..

went to slp after consuming a large quantity of herbal soup
n when I woke up..
Dar nudge me
his nick:
Forever Love Forever Love ,我只想用我这一辈子去爱你. 从今以后, 你会是所有幸福的理由
I ask him stuff like..
do u actually misses me?
or
do u actually uses ur sms function?
or
ur nick is dedicated to who?

but all ans..are disappointing..
the butterflies effect is gone..
he told me he's having headache
i feel indifferent
i feel nothing
i'm so numb..
i cant think of any feelings
i have for him anymore
maybe
things are always lidat bah..
I'm always stuck with ppl
i dun get enough attention from them
ppl who can just ignore me
n ignore my existence

I'm tired I guess
I dun tink abt him that much anymore
if he replies
den so be it
if he doesnt
i dun care
maybe all along..
it has all been a lie..
i failed to c it all the time i guess
no one can gimme the attention i needed
no one can love me the way i love myself
no one can love me as much as I do
maybe I've always been living a lie~

--------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted a break up
he told me he was sick
he told me he just recovered today
he told me a lot of stuff
n i said a lot of stuff to him too
my heart aches a lot
and I cried when i msged him
y do i cry?
maybe cos he has been suffering
n i din know abt it
maybe on wad a failure I am
on not knowing such a thing
maybe cos I have been thinking
y u r telling me now n not..
on days when u needed me?
isnt love abt supporting each other?
where were u when i needed u?
wadeva
actually i already have an ans in mind
no matter how he push everything
till after exams..
Des said abt his inmaturity of handling a relationship
I'm not sure..
but I guess..it's always gd to be alone bah
I'm not cut out to be a gd gf
or be in a relationship
loneliness is always part of me..
n dats me~

Joelle`*